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Darkness Gets a Bad Rap
Christianity taught me that the Light overcomes and conquers the Darkness, equating light with good and dark with bad. On my journey toward Humanism, I rejected this understanding. Since I was a little girl in the Catholic orphanage, I have appreciated the darkness. At St. Joseph's, Sister Mary Leo placed me in the storage room (regularly) as punishment for being me. I loved the darkness of that room. It comforted me and quieted my fear. It was only when the light appeared as a sliver across the dark floor, that I began to tremble again. The light brought Sister Mary Leo. I no longer moralize light and dark. Light is not the state of purity and goodness. The dark is not the quintessential expression of immorality and sin. Literally light and its absence (dark) dance together within and around us. Emily Dickinson wrote this perfect poem, honoring the dark and our capacity to walk in and through it: We grow accustomed to the Dark When Light is put away As when the neighbor holds the Lamp To witness her good bye. A moment - we uncertain step Into the newness of the night Then fit our vision to the Dark And meet the road – erect. And so of larger darknesses Those evenings of the brain When not a moon or star Come out, to disclose a sign within. The bravest - grope a little And sometimes hit a tree Directly in the forehead, But as they learn to see Either the Darkness alters Or something in the sight Adjusts itself to midnight And life steps again, almost straight. Emily Dickinson
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I first learned about gratitude as a potential response to life in Alanon, back in the day. When my recovering alcoholic husband announced that he wanted a divorce and I discovered that he was involved with a woman he met in AA, I ran to my Alanon sponsor for support with my swirling anxious thoughts. My sponsor challenged me to resist the temptation of falling into the enormous chasm of fear triggered by the thought of a divorce in 18 months.
She encouraged me to stay present in every moment and to maintain a daily gratitude practice of acknowledging the goodness of life even as the world around and within me seemed to be falling apart. She promised me that if I stayed awake and present, I would be ready for that far-off day when the “no-fault” divorce would be finalized. By the time he and I met at the courthouse 18 months later, I was studying at Princeton Theological Seminary and in love with my new life of study, exploration, and writing. As we embraced after the divorce proceedings, I offered him a gratitude blessing, “I’m grateful for the gift you gave me. Yes, my world crashed when you left, but it needed to crash. The life I live today is more authentic and joyful. Peace be with you.” I have continued an almost-daily gratitude practice for decades and in the process have explored the important role gratitude plays in our physical and emotional well-being and in our healthy adjustment to life’s twists and turns. I have come to believe that gratitude, as a response to life, is a cost-effective way to manage anxiety and increase body, mind, and spirit wellness. Gratitude and Well-Being The positive emotion of gratitude is one of the most effective interventions to shift the content of our thoughts because it changes our brain chemistry. The brain is a single processor, which means it can only process one thing at a time. When you focus on the things you appreciate in your life, there’s no space in the brain for anger, complaint, or worry. In this way, gratitude contributes to our well-being. According to Dr. Robert Emmons and Dr. Michael McCullough, who edited the first scholarly volume devoted to a fundamental human quality of gratitude, there are many emotions and personality traits important to well-being, but gratitude is uniquely important. They focused on gratitude as an emotion. In their scientific experiments, individuals were asked to keep track of their experiences of gratitude. Emmons and McCullough found that when individuals kept track of their experiences of gratitude, they experienced more gratitude and more of the positive changes associated with it. Grateful people experience these qualities of well-being:
The practice of shifting our thoughts from criticism and complaint to gratitude strengthens our neural pathways to look for what’s good in our lives, which then makes it easier for our brains to find things to appreciate. Strengthen your gratitude “muscle” by using it. Add a daily acknowledgement of your “gratitudes” to your mindfulness practice. I love to walk so I incorporate gratitude into my hikes and walking meditations. With each step I acknowledge a gratitude: my friends/the sunrise/the library/my new project/swiss chard from the farm. My entire walk is deeply nourishing. Be inspired by these gratitude quotations: “Keeping your body healthy is an expression of gratitude to the whole cosmos— the trees, the clouds, everything.” Thich Nhat Hanh “Our bodies, apart from their brilliant role as drawing exercises, are the temples of our being. Like the bodies of all fauna, they deserve both our study and our appreciation.” Robert Genn “Take a moment to pause, especially before you eat and thank all the people who made your meal possible, from those that grew the food, to those who harvested it, sold it, and prepared it for you. Expand your gratitude practice to share with others all you are grateful for!” Kelley Grimes “Your body feels everything you think and say. All your pain and joy, experience and knowledge, forgotten secrets and deepest truths, get recorded in the cellular library of your flesh. That’s why I suggest taking time to appreciate your body. Feed it with good thoughts, words and intentions.” Steve Gold “Gratitude is so close to the bone of life, pure and true, that it instantly stops the rational mind, and all its planning and plotting. That kind of let go is fiercely threatening. I mean, where might such gratitude end?” Regina Sara Ryan “Life is swift and precious while in our grasp. Loving yourself is such a small act of appreciation for the everlasting Love that has breathed you into being and on whose wings you will be carried when it's time to leave this life.” Paula Reeves “Focusing on this very moment is a powerful practice. Being grateful for what’s happening now can be uplifting even if the moment before we felt down. A feedback loop can then emerge where the more thankful we become, the more connected we feel to ourselves, one another, and the planet.” Susan Greenland “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melodie Beattie “Embrace your ordinary life, whatever its wrapping, for in the embrace you will hear the whisper of Gratitude. Listen for her in the ordinary activities of your day, the ordinary encounters with loved ones, and the ordinary challenges that greet you each morning. She speaks from the depths of you, in the voice of your ordinary life.” Patricia Lynn Reilly Home is Always Waiting: Living in Peace
The home within is a safe space. Spending time there fortifies us to withstand the sexism and ageism of the culture and equips us with the strength and compassion necessary to embody peace for the sake of our daughters, granddaughters, and nieces. It is never “too late” to return home—home is always waiting. It is as near as a conscious breath, conscious contact with your woman body, and descent into the abundant resources of your inner life. Set aside regular time to make conscious contact with the home within you. Mindful descent into the richness of your own life will inspire you to create a body-loving legacy as your gift to your daughters, granddaughters, and nieces. A legacy through which they will discover the divine within them and love her fiercely. A legacy that compels them to honor her face as they look into the mirror, bless her body as they shower and bathe, and celebrate her life in the telling of their stories. Inspired by your love, may they face her without shrinking, she is lovely to behold. Mother and daughter, at peace. Return Home to the Your Breath Quieting the Noise—Settling into Stillness Making conscious contact with the home within quiets the noisiness of a lifetime that chatters away in our minds and thoughts. As we take a deep breath, we settle into the present moment and reconnect to our inner stillness. In the quietness of here and now, there is peace. Return home to your breath. Become conscious of its faithful rhythm. Savor it as it flows in, through, and around you. On each inhalation, gather yourself from the far corners of your life. As you exhale, allow sighs, sounds, and yawns to ride on the back of the breath to release the accumulation of a lifetime. Settle into this moment at peace. Return Home to Your Body Releasing Burdens—Settling into Lightness Making conscious contact with the home within releases the burdens our body’s bear as a result of the expectations of a lifetime. As we turn toward our bodies with love, we settle into the present moment. In the lightness of here and now, our lives are simpler, clearer, and lighter. Return home to your body. Make conscious contact with it: move or stretch it, touch or massage it, or imagine the breath reaching into each part of your body. Meet each body sensation with the breath and your own healing, acknowledging touch. Breathe again into this moment and receive the gifts of your body. Return Home to Your Inner Life Dispelling Confusion—Revealing the Path Making conscious contact with the home within dispels the confusion created by years of believing body-critical messages. As we turn toward our inner lives with curiosity, we settle into the present moment. In the clarity of here and now, our legacy projects are revealed. Return home to your inner life. Imagine yourself as a leaf let go of by an autumn tree, a leaf slowly and gradually descending toward the ground, its descent cushioned by the breath of life, a leaf touching the ground in the forest deep within your being. Make conscious contact with the ground of your being, receiving the gifts of your inner life. “When you enter a loving relationship with yourself, you become both the lover—the one who gives love, and the beloved—the one who receives it. Through this self-directed love, you experience yourself as a limitless being, in tune with the whole of existence.” Margo Anand • Purchase Love Your Body Regardless here: www.Meaning-Quest.com • Be inspired here: http://www.facebook.com/MeaningQuest In the very beginning of life, you were acquainted with the exquisite natural resources of your breath, woman-body, and inner life. You breathed deeply into your belly. You loved your body. You were in touch with the spirit resident within your life.
Over time the girl-child becomes disconnected from the home within her. Caught in the swirls of others, twisted into the shapes of others, depleted by the demands of others, her breath becomes shallow. She ignores her body. She looks to saviors outside of herself for salvation and validation, forgetting the rich resources within her. In the fullness of time, we become dizzy from swirling, our lives ache from being twisted out of shape, our beings become depleted from servicing others with our attention and energy. Weary, we long to return home yet we have forgotten the way. Rediscover the Way Home Home is always waiting. It is as near as a conscious breath, conscious contact with your woman-body, and a descent into your interior life. You have everything you need there. May the "Home Is Always Waiting" meditation remind you of own inner resources when you forget yourself. May it escort you home when you wander away from yourself. May it support you to remain loyal to yourself. Regardless. May it bring a smile to your soul every day of your life. The Home is Always Waiting Meditation Gather the Gifts of Your Breath Return home to your breath. Turn your attention inward by taking a few deep breaths. Become conscious of the breath and its faithful rhythm. Savor the breath as it flows in, through, and around you. On each inhalation, gather yourself from the far corners of your life. Bring your energy and attention “home.” On each exhalation, release the accumulation of the day. Allow sighs, sounds, and yawns to ride on the back of each exhalation to support you to settle into this moment. Breathing in, gather. Breathing out, let go. Home is always waiting. Affirm: The Breath, from which all life unfolds. The Breath, in which past, present, and future meet. I receive the gifts of my Breath. Gather the Gifts of Your Body Return home to your body. As you continue to breathe deeply, make conscious contact with your body: move or stretch it, touch or massage it, or imagine the breath reaching into each part of your body. Meet each body sensation with the breath and your own healing, acknowledging touch. If your attention moves away from home, away from this moment, notice the distraction without judgment, and then practice returning home. There will always be distractions. Our life-practice is to return. Breathe again into this moment. Home is always waiting. Affirm: The Body, from which all life unfolds. The Body, in which past, present, and future meet. I receive the gifts of my Body. Gather the Gifts of Your Inner Life Return home to your inner life. Escorted by the breath and body, we continue our descent. Imagine yourself as a leaf let go of by an autumn tree, a leaf slowly and gradually descending toward the ground, its descent cushioned by the breath of life, a leaf touching the ground in the forest deep within your being. Make conscious contact with the ground of your being through prayer, an expression of openness, a movement, or in the quietness of the breath. Home is always waiting. Affirm: The ground, from which all life unfolds. The ground, in which past, present, and future meet. I receive the gifts of my Inner Life. Home is always waiting...in tender times and turbulent times, in graceful moments and in awkward situations, in flowing times and in seasons of stagnation, in fullness and in emptiness, in fear and in courage, in trouble and in beauty. Home is as near as a conscious breath, conscious contact with your woman-body, and a descent into the rich resources of your inner life. Return home often—you have everything you need there. In 2017 Patricia Lynn Reilly launched “MeaningQuest: Mindfulness Resources for Women,” the culmination of her 25 years as woman-affirming author, facilitator, and trainer. Patricia's mindfulness-based books and trainings flow from her belief that the meaning you seek ‘out there’ is found within your own life, accessed in the present moment, and released into your experience with each mindful breath. Join the MQ Community. MQ Email Address: patricia@Meaning-Quest.com MQ Facebook Page: MeaningQuest: Mindfulness Resources for Women MQ Newsletter: Mindful Moments Welcome to the MQ blog.
Being present is our YES to life. Bring your attention to the present at the beginning of each day, using this MQ Mindfulness Practice. 1. Choose to bless the past. What we turn our energy and attention toward...grows. What we withdraw our energy and attention from...dissolves. Bless the past by fasting from complaints about it, judgments of it, and rehearsals of its insults and injuries. From this day forward only speak words of blessing and gratitude about the past. Pause to honor the past: Breathing in: "I bless the past. It has been my teacher, healer, and challenge." Breathing out: "I am grateful that the past escorted me to this day. ” 2. Choose to surrender anxiety about the future. What we turn our energy and attention toward...grows. What we withdraw our energy and attention from...dissolves. The future is unknown and can’t be predicted. Today may be our final opportunity to be with our friends and family. Anxiety about an unknown future is a futile use of life energy and removes us from this present moment. Pause to surrender all anxiety about the future: Breathing in: "I surrender my anxiety and leave space for the unknown..." Breathing out: "...a peaceful space within my heart that knows all is well, here and now. " 3. Choose to live fully in this moment. What we turn our energy and attention toward...grows. What we withdraw our energy and attention from...dissolves. The past will never be again. The future may never be. This moment is the gift of life. Life is supremely efficient. It gives us everything we need to live fully in this moment. A conscious breath reminds us to return to this moment when we wander away from it. Pause to embrace this moment: Breathing in: "I receive the gift of life." Breathing out: "I choose to live fully in this day." Breathing in: "I stand in awe of this day. " Breathing out: "I rest in the arms of life as it unfolds one moment at a time." The launch of “MeaningQuest: Mindfulness Resources for Women" is the culmination of Patricia Lynn Reilly's 25 years as woman-affirming author, facilitator, and trainer. Patricia's mindfulness-based books and trainings flow from her belief that the meaning you seek ‘out there’ is found within your own life, accessed in the present moment, and released into your experience with each mindful breath. MQ Email Address: patricia@Meaning-Quest.com MQ Facebook Page: MeaningQuest: Mindfulness Resources for Women MQ Newsletter: Mindful Moments |
AuthorPatricia Lynn Reilly is an author, founder of MeaningQuest: Mindfulness Resources for Women and one of the founding members of Holland Openly Secular Alliance. Archives
December 2018
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